The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
