The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Randomize
