bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
don't judge my taste in strippers
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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