if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
