He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
