do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
