worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Randomize
