Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
