You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
