how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Randomize