why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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