I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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