forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
