I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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