I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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