lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Someone came in the potted fern
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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