is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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