so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
