I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
