Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
