I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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