I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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