when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Sorry about my life...
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
