1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
