She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
nutella sex= disaster
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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