from now on my penis is your penis
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I think I am morally bankrupt
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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