I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
