3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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