Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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