I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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