WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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