That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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