Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
