He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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