I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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