I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
She bit a glass in half.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize
