Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
