the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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