I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
