Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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