You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
