fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
