i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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