the condom got lost in my hair
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He? As in you personified your dick?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
