Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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