to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
