Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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