girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
