Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Randomize