Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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