My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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