Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
