hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
