420 ftw
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Randomize
