i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
