I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
