hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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