My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize