he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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