i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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