Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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