Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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