I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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