u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
sarcasm needs its own font
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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