period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
