I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I am available for nakedness
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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