i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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