Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
