4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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