you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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