if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
