Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
