i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
They have beer where we have blood.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Randomize
